How to deal with external incivilities?
Cutting people off, raising your voice, pushing or swearing are all behaviours that go against the basic rules of life in society, even though they are not necessarily punishable by law. These are incivilities.
Incivilities are specific cases of deviance from social norms. We do not all have the same way of seeing and understanding these norms: when faced with incivil behaviour, we do not all react in the same way.
In the workplace, we are particularly exposed to incivilities when we are in contact with external customers.
Faced with incivilities, the traps into which it is tempting to fall
Incivility can generate emotions of varying degrees of intensity, leading us to react instinctively, without thinking about the consequences for ourselves, for others, or for the relationship between us. Among the most common reactions are the following...
LET IT HAPPEN
Impact on...
- Me: I don't express my disagreement
- The other person: They don't realise they are behaving in this way and continue to do so
- Our relationship: It becomes unbalanced
RAISING THE TONE
Impact on...
- Me: My emotional charge rises, I become defensive
- The other person: He doesn't understand my reaction and persists or reinforces his behaviour
- Our relationship: Communication breaks down
TAKING IT ON
The impact on...
- Me: My emotional charge rises and I become aggressive
- The other person: He reinforces his behaviour and becomes aggressive
- Our relationship: It descends into violence
Regulate these automatic behaviours to maintain a balanced and constructive relationship
LISTEN TO THE OTHER PERSON
If you want them to hear you, let them express themselves first:
- give them space
- adopt a posture that shows your interest
- ask questions that show you want to understand
NAMING YOUR EMOTIONS
Rephrasing the emotion you perceive in the other person by naming it will enable you to :
- show your understanding and recognition of what they are experiencing
- help them to become aware of their emotion
- give it meaning and regulate it
SETTING LIMITS
Setting limits means :
- reminding you of the social norm that has been transgressed
- indicating that your tolerance threshold has been reached
You can set the boundaries from the outset, put an end to the exchange, postpone it or hand it over.
Article published by Stimulus France
